Remembering Your Baby

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Resources for the grieving MoTher

REMEMBERING YOUR BABY

Add your baby's name to a memorial list or book. Here are a a few places that you can add your baby's name:

A Place Remembered Remembrance Book
Light a Virtual Candle by adding your baby's name to First Candle's Gallery. After adding his/her name and a short message, you will be asked if you would like to make a donation to First Candle. Your virtual candle will be added to the gallery whether you donate or not.

Choose a momento or tradition that makes you feel closer to your baby. Our family collects rocks and always leaves one behind on a hike to honor Charlotte. One mother wears a special necklace made of glass that was blown with her son's ashes inside. Another chose a special gold charm after her baby's death and wears it at all times. Here are a few ideas that may be helpful in finding a momento that is meaningful to you. Note: Projects marked with an (*) are free, or only require loss-parents to pay shipping fees.

Find something to cuddle.  If you have a recording of your baby's heartbeat, consider placing it inside a Build-A-Bear.
Project B.E.A.R. (Bringing Empty Arms Reprieve) (*) will send a teddy bear to anyone who is grieving the loss of a baby.   There is no charge for the teddy bear, though they do ask for donations so that they are able to continue providing bears for families. Molly Bears (*), also created by a loss mom, creates bears that are weighted to your child's specific weight (up to 14 pounds). Molly Bears has a long waiting list (4 months last I checked) and costs $20, but have the benefit of being customizable.
Mommies of an Angel will provide weighted teddy bears that can be personalized. You pick the kind of bear and can add a name, a shirt, or a necklace. Costs vary based on the weight of the bear and the accessories that are added. (To give you an idea of pricing: A 5lb 11 oz "Sprout" bear personalized with a name is about $28; a personalized necklace with birthstone is an additional $12, and a personalized embroidered tee shirt of your choice for the bear is another $12) If the cost of the bear is too much, they will do their best to provide one to you free of charge if you fill out their donation form (*).
Request a Gift Basket (*) or Weighted Bear from Healing Embrace (*). This company was founded by loss moms and provides weighted bears and a gift bag for those who have lost babies. The service is free, but requires $20 shipping fee. Alternatively, you can "pay it forward" and purchase a care package for another loss-parent using the same link.
Get inked. I had a tattoo done on my right wrist (so I could touch it to my heart) to remember Charlotte. If you happen to be in the DC Metro area, my tattoo was done at Capitol Tattoo in Silver Spring by TK. He was kind, offering sincere condolences for my loss, and even listened to my story about why a fox was a symbol of Charlotte for us. He was patient and accommodating when I changed my mind about the design & sizing and made my first tattoo experience very positive. Some mothers that I have met in support groups have even added their baby's ashes to the ink in their tattoos.
Frame a Picture of your Baby to hang in your home. In my case, Charlotte's skin was so fragile that our pictures of her include vernix (that white coating that newborns are just losing), torn skin, and swelling under her eyes. They were too difficult to look at to hang up. Some companies will retouch these photographs for free for the parents of a stillborn child.
Angel Pics (*) will have professionals retouch up to two photographs for free and they can be sent in digitally (so you don't have to bring your precious photos or grieving self to a store front). Our retouched picture of Charlotte's little face is now a treasured favorite on my wall.
Choose a special piece of jewelry, an ornament, or a trinket to remember your baby by. If money is an issue, don't rule this possibility out! Several non profits offer free pieces for parents of stillborn babies.
- The Cooper Project (*) offers a free stamped metal necklace to loss parents. Order forms open only once a month and close as soon as a maximum is reached, but they are worth the wait. Necklaces can be customized with your baby's name or birthdate and come in gold, silver, or rose gold. Check in on their Facebook page to figure out when the next orders will be accepted (usually the first day or two of the month). On that date, a link to the order form will be posted on the Facebook page and will be available until orders are closed.
- Held Your Whole Life (*) is a non profit that gives away free necklaces and keychains for bereaved parents, however, you will need to pay a $5 ($15 international) shipping fee. Necklaces/keychains are not customizable, but the company suggests that you can take it to an engraver (like Things Remembered) and have the stainless steel engraved on your own. Check their Facebook page here for the coupon code that you need to receive the discounted merchandise. They do not accept memorial requests all month, so it is best to visit the site at the start of the month. Held Your Whole Life also sells jewelry and things at a regular price, all of the proceeds from which go into funding the free necklace/keychain mission.
- Umbrella Boxes (*) provides gorgeous gift boxes for loss-parents. They include a journal and pen, a packet of seeds, two hats and a poem, a tealight candle, tissues, teabags and chocolate, a sympathy card, resource information, a keychain for dad, bubbles for siblings, and a small stuffed animal. (Items may be different based on donations.) Check their Facebook Page for updates about when orders are being requested.
- The Smallest Gift (*) is a non-profit that provides weighted hearts and personalized fleece blankets. They accept requests on the first of each month and will close their request form when they reach the maximum number of orders for that month. Check their Facebook page to find out when request orders are being accepted.
- Hudson's Bands of Hope (*) provides loss-parents with a charm bracelet to memorialize their baby. To order, email them with the subject line "Bracelet Request." Please include in your email who the bracelet is for (yourself or a friend who has lost a child), their address, when the loss was and if they knew the gender of their baby. Please note that for any loss that is within the last 90 days your bracelet will be donated. For all others we ask for a donation of $20 or more.
- Artful Ashes creates beautiful glass ornaments with a small amount of your baby's ashes. (They typically ask for 1 Tablespoon of ash, but will return about 1.2 Tablespoon to you that is unused in the project. Ashes are mailed via a special package and the company takes great care to ensure that they are treated with the utmost respect.) The price for one memorial is $185 which includes a velvet pouch, certificate and etching. There is a discount of $145 each of you purchase two or more. “Angel Wings” heart pendants are $195 each. Shipping costs about $28 to locations in the US and about $40 to locations in Canada.
- Mamie's Poppy Plates (*) provides loss parents with a free commemorative plate personalized with their baby's name, length & weight, handprints, &/or footprints. Parents can choose the color and design of the rim. Plates are free to loss parents, you simply need to fill our an order form here and then mail it in.
- Still Shining provides handmade memorial candles & candle holders. Their candles are not only beautiful, but also sold for a good cause. They sponsor bereaved families trips to retreats and other uplifting events as the founders know first hand what it means to lose a child. Candles range from $28- $35. Visit their Facebook page for updates.
- Until We Hold You Again (*) offers gift baskets for loss families. They accept 20 new orders on the first of each month. Their website includes an "Angel Babies Tribute Page" that you can submit your child's name and picture to. This group puts a unique spin on the gift baskets. After you receive your basket, the company sends an "Angelversary" card each year during the month of your loss.
- Samuel's Lullaby provides mothers who have lost a baby with an adorable gift basket that is "meant to be a lullaby to that mommy". They are filled with meaningful and carefully picked comfort items. They ask for a $20 donation to help offset the costs of the baskets.
- A Place to Remember has a large collection of memorial jewelry, pocket tokens, urns, ornaments, and memorial/funeral elements for purchase.
- My Forever Child sells pieces of engraved jewelry with the baby's name, a quote, or the baby's footprints.
- LaBellaDame offers jewelry for miscarriage and infant loss that can be purchased and personalized.
- Through the Heart provides Comfort Kits for parents who have recently lost a child. The kits are free, but they ask that you pay $5 for shipping costs.
- Families Forever Art by Joni brings comfort, healing, and remembrance through custom art & gifts. Several of my loss mom friends have been especially happy with Joni's faceless watercolor family portraits that included their lost little ones. These pieces are mostly listed at $22, but custom options are available as well.

Find a special place to talk to your baby. A vocal stream of conscious can be just as cathartic as a written one. There is a bench on the side of a lake that I visit often on my hikes. I always stop in this place to talk to Charlotte. Sometimes I just tell her how much I miss her and other times I tell her about all of the things that she has missed. I bring her baby blanket with me in my backpack on these hikes and hold it while I talk to her.