GRIEF RESOURCES
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Resources for the grieving MoTherSAYING GOODBYE
It is up to you to decide whether you would like to see or touch your baby after she is born. Your child was born still, but she was still born. If you choose to see your baby, the time that you have together will be terribly short. Here are a few suggestions of things to do during this time to make the most of it:
You will be faced with many difficult decisions. The first one is likely, "Would you like to try to find out more about the cause of your baby's death?" If the reason for your baby's death was unclear after delivery, doctors will give you the option of blood testing (blood is drawn from mom and tested for various issues), examining the placenta for insufficiencies, and/or carrying out an autopsy. The autopsy may or may not identify a cause of death, but it can also provide information about the baby's gender (if you didn't already know this), information about the baby's development, and health problems that could be preventable in a future pregnancy. You will need to make decisions about your baby's body before you can be discharged from the hospital. In our case, a grief counselor met with us several hours after we said goodbye to Charlotte to talk to us about our "options". She informed us that we could arrange for cremation or burial on our own or the hospital could do it for us. While at first it seemed kind that the hospital would do this, it turned out that this essentially meant turning our baby's body over to the state and having her cremated and laid to rest in a group plot. We arranged for Charlotte to be cremated through a local funeral home. They were caring and honored my daughter's tiny body. They even swaddled her in a pink blanket and hat so that she "wouldn't be cold" when my mother, father, and brother visited to identify her. If you are physically recovering well, you will likely be discharged from the hospital in a day or two. I was allowed to leave the hospital 12 hours after giving birth. While I don't think this is typical, I appreciated being able to go home immediately and not face the barrage of nurses and visitors. CREMATION & BURIAL ASSISTANCE
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