Blog Archives

3/24/2018

"Saying Goodbye" By Zoe Clark Coates

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After you read the book, please leave a comment below to share your thinking about it!

The Bereaved Optimist's Book Club was created to share book suggestions for and by families who have experienced a stillbirth. Your unique perspective on these books is valuable!

Book Jacket Description: Losing a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death, leaves so many parents lost in grief and full of unanswered questions. Zoë Clark-Coates, and her husband Andy, have personally faced the loss of five babies. Out of their experiences came the charity The Mariposa Trust (more often known by its leading division Saying Goodbye), offering support to thousands of grieving parents and relatives around the world each week. Now, Zoë writes a moving account of their experiences and how they found a way through to provide help and support for others. Alongside this are 90 days of daily support for those who are grieving, offering comfort and hope during the difficult days, weeks and months.

Book Type: Memoir & Daily Support

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"beyond Tears" by Ellen Mitchell, rita Volpe, Ariella Long, Audrey Cohen, Lorenza Colletti, Barbara Eisenberg, Barbara Goldstein, Madelaine Perri Kasden, & Phyllis Levine

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Book Jacket Description: Meant to comfort and give direction to bereaved parents, Beyond Tears is written by nine mothers who have each lost a child. This revised edition includes a new chapter written from the perspective of surviving siblings.
The death of a child is that unimaginable loss no parent ever expects to face. In Beyond Tears, nine mothers share their individual stories of how to survive in the darkest hour. They candidly share with other bereaved parents what to expect in the first year and long beyond:
*Harmonious relationships can become strained
*There is a new definition of what one considers "normal"
*The question "how many children do you have?" can be devastating
*Mothers and fathers mourn and cope differently
*Surviving siblings grieve and suffer as well
*There simply is no answer to the question "why?"
This sharing in itself is a catharsis and because each of these mothers lost her child at least seven years ago, she is in a unique position to provide perspective on what newly bereaved parents can expect to feel. The mothers of Beyond Tears offer reassurance that the clouds of grief do lessen with time and that grieving parents will find a way to live, and even laugh again.

Book Type: Memoirs

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"Option B" By Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

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Book Jacket Description: After the sudden death of her husband, Sheryl Sandberg felt certain that she and her children would never feel pure joy again. “I was in ‘the void,’” she writes, “a vast emptiness that fills your heart and lungs and restricts your ability to think or even breathe.” Her friend Adam Grant, a psychologist at Wharton, told her there are concrete steps people can take to recover and rebound from life-shattering experiences. We are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. It is a muscle that everyone can build.
Option B combines Sheryl’s personal insights with Adam’s eye-opening research on finding strength in the face of adversity. Beginning with the gut-wrenching moment when she finds her husband, Dave Goldberg, collapsed on a gym floor, Sheryl opens up her heart—and her journal—to describe the acute grief and isolation she felt in the wake of his death. But Option B goes beyond Sheryl’s loss to explore how a broad range of people have overcome hardships including illness, job loss, sexual assault, natural disasters, and the violence of war. Their stories reveal the capacity of the human spirit to persevere . . . and to rediscover joy.
Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. Even after the most devastating events, it is possible to grow by finding deeper meaning and gaining greater appreciation in our lives. Option B illuminates how to help others in crisis, develop compassion for ourselves, raise strong children, and create resilient families, communities, and workplaces. Many of these lessons can be applied to everyday struggles, allowing us to brave whatever lies ahead. Two weeks after losing her husband, Sheryl was preparing for a father-child activity. “I want Dave,” she cried. Her friend replied, “Option A is not available,” and then promised to help her make the most of Option B.
We all live some form of Option B. This book will help us all make the most of it.

Book Type: Memoir & Self-Help

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"Something Happened" by Cathy Blanford

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Book Jacket Description: This beautifully illustrated, simple, clear story is designed to help a young child understand what has happened when there has been a pregnancy loss. The book addresses the sadness that a child experiences when the anticipated baby has died. The child's fears and feelings of guilt are addressed as well as other confusing feelings. Perhaps most important, the book includes the family's experience of going on with life while always remembering their baby. The child reading the book is left with a sense of reassurance that life continues and he is still a vital part of a loving family. Most pages include a box with words for parents. These words are there to help parents understand what their child might be experiencing and why the particular illustrations and text were chosen. They are right there on each page so that the parents don't miss them and can easily scan them while their children look at the illustrations. Children who have experienced a death in their family are very reassured by stories of other children who have had a similar experience. It helps them to understand better what has happened in their own family while at the same time offering the comforting knowledge that they are not alone in their feelings.

Book Type: Children's Picture Book

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah L. Davis, PhD

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Book Jacket Description: The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects thousands of U.S. families every year. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Third Edition offers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair during and after such a tragedy. In this new and updated edition, Deborah Davis encourages grieving and strives to cover many different kinds of loss, including information on issues such as the death of one or more babies from a multiple birth, pregnancy interruption, and the questioning of aggressive medical intervention. There is also a special chapter for fathers as well as a chapter on "protective parenting" to help anxious parents enjoy their precious living children. Doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, and other support persons can gain special insight. Most importantly, parents facing the death of a baby will find necessary support in this gentle guide.

Book Type: Self-Help Guide

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"Loved Baby: 31 Devotions" by Sarah Philpot, PhD

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Book Jacket Description: Close to one in four American women experience the silent grief of pregnancy loss. Loved Baby offers much-needed support to women in the middle of psychological and physiological grief as a result of losing an unborn child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or ectopic pregnancy loss.

In Loved Baby, author Sarah Philpott gently walks alongside women as they experience the misguided shame, isolation, and crushing despair that accompany the turmoil of loss. With brave vulnerability Sarah shares her own and others stories of loss, offering Christ-filled hope and support to women navigating grief.

This fresh and compassionate devotional offers:

Real talk about loss
Christ-filled comfort
Tips to manage social media, reconnect with your partner, and nourish your soul
Knowledge that your child is in heaven
Strategies to walk through grief
Ways to memorialize your loss
Whether your loss is recent or not, Loved Baby can be your companion as you move from the darkness of grief toward the light of hope.

Book Type: Religious Devotional

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"Empty Arms" by Pam Vredevelt

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Book Jacket Description: “I’m not picking up a heartbeat.” These are the most dreaded words an expectant mother can hear. As joy and anticipation dissolve into confusion and grief, painful questions refuse to go away: Why me? Did I do something wrong? How will this affect my ability to have a family? What do I say to my children without scaring them? With the warmth and compassion of a Licensed Professional Counselor and writing as a mother who has suffered the loss of a baby and a sixteen-year-old son, Pam Vredevelt offers sound answers and advice. As an expert in love and loss, Pam gives reassuring comfort to any woman fighting to maintain stability and faith in the midst of devastating heartbreak. Empty Arms: Hope and Support for Those Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Tubal Pregnancy is the essential guidebook for anyone suffering the agony of losing a baby.

Book Type: Memoir

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

1 Comment

3/24/2018

"I'll Never Let you Go" by Smriti Prasadam-halls

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Book Jacket Description: When you love someone, you stand by them no matter what happens.
In good times . . .
When you're excited, the world joins with you,
You bounce all about--look, I'm bouncing, too!
In bad times . . .
When you are sad and troubled with fears,
I hold you close and dry all your tears.
And all the times in between.
When you are high and when you are low,
I'll be holding your hand . . . and I'll never let go.
Share this beautiful celebration of unconditional love with someone special in your life.

Book Type: Children's Picture Book (Not grief specific)

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"It's ok that you're not ok" by Megan Devine

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Book Jacket Description: When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. “Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form,” says Megan Devine. “It is a natural and sane response to loss.”
So, why does our culture treat grief like a disease to be cured as quickly as possible? In It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides—as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner—Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, you’ll learn:

• Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief
• How challenging the myths of grief—doing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfold—allows us to accept grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
• Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to “fix” your pain
• How to help the people you love—with essays to teach us the best skills, checklists, and suggestions for supporting and comforting others through the grieving process

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to “solve” grief. Megan writes, “Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution.” Through stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must face—in our personal lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the wider world.

It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves—and each other—better.

Book Type: Self-Help (From Perspective of Loss of Spouse)

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/24/2018

"An exact replica of a figment of my imagination" by Elizabeth mcCracken

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THIS IS THE MAY 2018
BEREAVED OPTIMIST'S BOOK CLUB SELECTION!
Please click here to join our discussions about this book on
The Bereaved Optimist's Book Club Facebook Page.

Book Jacket Description: "This is the happiest story in the world with the saddest ending," writes Elizabeth McCracken in her powerful, inspiring memoir. A prize-winning, successful novelist in her 30s, McCracken was happy to be an itinerant writer and self-proclaimed spinster. But suddenly she fell in love, got married, and two years ago was living in a remote part of France, working on her novel, and waiting for the birth of her first child.
This book is about what happened next. In her ninth month of pregnancy, she learned that her baby boy had died. How do you deal with and recover from this kind of loss? Of course you don't--but you go on. And if you have ever experienced loss or love someone who has, the company of this remarkable book will help you go on.
With humor and warmth and unfailing generosity, McCracken considers the nature of love and grief. She opens her heart and leaves all of ours the richer for it.

Book Type: Memoir

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

1 Comment

3/24/2018

"Joy at the end of the Rainbow: by Amanda Ross-White

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Book Jacket Description: Awarded second place in the 2017 American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year Awards in Consumer Health! You’ve got What to Expect When You’re Expecting, but where do you go for a pregnancy guide when you’ve been pregnant before, and didn’t get to come home with a baby? For the nearly 2.6 million women worldwide every year who lose a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth and early neonatal loss, this is the pregnancy guide for you. Joy at the End of the Rainbow: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Loss gives you a month-by-month survival guide to a pregnancy that is different from the others. If you’re worried and concerned about losing another baby, but also joyful and cautiously excited about what is to come, this book will give you solid medical information tailored to your very real concerns! Written by a mother who has had both stillborn twins and two successful rainbow pregnancies, with guidance from the latest research on pregnancy after a loss, this guide will help you manage your anxiety as you anticipate the arrival of your rainbow child.

Book Type: Pregnancy After Loss Guide

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

1 Comment

3/24/2018

"Expecting Sunshine" BY Alexis Marie Chute

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Book Jacket Description: After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her “Year of Distraction.” She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity―just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child.

In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results. Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshinechronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before―enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother’s love.

Book Type: Memoir of Loss & Pregnancy After

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

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3/21/2018

"Finding Hope When a Child Dies" by Sukie Miller

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THIS IS THE APRIL 2018
BEREAVED OPTIMIST'S BOOK CLUB SELECTION!
Please click here to join our discussions about this book on The Bereaved Optimist's Book Club Facebook Page.

Book Jacket Description: The death of a child is an overwhelming loss. "Why did my child die?" and "Is my child suffering now?" are questions that all people, of all cultures and backgrounds, ask. But characteristic of Western culture is a limited language for expressing grief, and a consuming guilt that undermines the recovery process. Dr. Sukie Miller, author of the landmark work After Death, turns to the beliefs and healing stories of other cultures to present a unique perspective that is both surprising and comforting. Sharing her research with a compassionate and grounded voice, she offers hope to those seeking meaning in what seems senseless, and heartening possibilities for returning to wholeness, even if we feel life cannot ever be the same.

Book Type: Adult; Cultural Practices connected to Death of a Child

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

3 Comments

3/21/2018

"I've Loved You Since Forever" by Hoda Kotb

1 Comment

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Book Jacket Description: In the universe, there was you and there was me, waiting for the day our stars would meet...Today show co-host Hoda Kotb celebrates the joy of welcoming a new baby, Haley Joy, into her life and changing her universe forever. With Kotb's lyrical text and stunning pictures by Suzie Mason, I've Loved You Since Forever is a testament to the timeless bond between a parent and child. This beautiful tale is a treasure for any new family.

Book Type: Children's Picture Book

Pages: 32

Questions to Consider in your Comments:
1. What feelings did this book evoke for you?
2. What was new, interesting, or surprising to you as you read?
3. Share a quote from the book. Why did this one stand out?
4. Was anything missing or poorly done in the book?
5. Would you recommend it to other families experiencing a stillbirth?
6. What connections did you make to your own story?
7. Does this book remind you of any others that you've read?

1 Comment

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